Enneagram Tough Love

I had this idea when I saw someone say that a dislike of a type’s description means you are likelier to be that type, since it forces you to look at your own faults and insecurities. That’s why I thought it might be an interesting idea to write ‘harsh realities’ for each type, because it may help you type yourself by looking at your faults and reading what you need to hear.​

Ones: your drive to improve the world is impressive but your desire for perfection is unrealistic. Most things likely won’t go the way you want or plan them to. In the same vein, people might not always agree with what you consider ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ and you’ll just have to live with it. You can’t always control other people’s moral viewpoints or the world, but you can control your own reactions to those disappointments.

Twos: don’t confuse attention and affection for love. Love is earned, not exchanged. Instead of trying to get as many people as you can to adore you, focus on making fewer genuine connections. Forcing love out of someone else is counterproductive and a tad manipulative. Recognize your actual lovable qualities instead of trying to push an image of a typical lovable person.

Threes: peel off your mask and remember who’s really behind it. If you’re constantly using a persona, all the recognition, admiration and success you think you’ve earned is actually for the persona, not for you. You can’t get people to like who you really are by impressing them with what you think they want to see. It’ll only hurt you in the end. You need to find you actually appreciates you when you relax and act as you really want to.

Fours: it’s time to climb down your own tower and save yourself. You might feel different from other people, but that doesn’t mean you lack a special ability everyone else has. Stop holding yourself back by playing the role of an outcast or a victim. Stop living in your imagined ideal world and improve your own actual life. You are worthy of acceptance, you just need to recognize it yourself.

Fives: your knowledge is valuable but it cannot be your whole personality and life. Thinking can only get you so far. You need to step out of your comfort zone and act on your thoughts, research and observations. You need to step out of your mind and out into the real world, where you’ll be valued with or without your intelligence.

Sixes: if you’re dependent on an external structure to give you internal security, you’ll never actually have it. It’s important to stop seeking the perfect philosophy that’ll make you feel safe and tell you how to live your life. Carve your own path and realize that anything you want internally has to come from within. Philosophies can be destructive, disappear or proven redundant, but you can’t get rid of your own feelings and insecurities.

Sevens: it’s inspiring to believe you can be or do anything but it’s also naive. You need to learn to stick to a few things at a time, because limited resources and commitments don’t afford you the opportunity to try everything. Don’t distract yourself in an attempt to run away from your emotions. Learn to actually listen to your thoughts and feel your emotions, for new experiences and possessions aren’t a substitution for that skill (regardless of how many you manage to accumulate).

Eights: it’s important to be assertive but useless to be aggressive. Don’t let your will to stand up for yourself turn into a reason to control other people. I know you don’t want to be controlled or dictated in any way but, even if they aren’t Eights, other people don’t want to either. Focus on yourself and what you want to achieve, and try to let go of your hold over your surroundings.

Nines: conflict has always existed and it always will. It’ll show up in your life from time to time and you can’t always shut down or be diplomatic about it. You need to forget how other people feel and start expressing yourself. Someone will always find a way to feel angry, frustrated, annoyed, disappointed in/at you (I’m sorry), you can’t perpetually please them. That’s why it’s important to put yourself first and tell people what you want and how you feel.

​Source: https://www.reddit.com/r/Enneagram/comments/hszm8h/tough_love_for_every_type/



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Buddhism, mixed with my current interests in economics, privilege, immigration, etc. Email <my username>@gmail.com