a better homosocial model would emotional connection amongst middle-aged men

There’s been a lot of research recently on the dynamics of Anglosphere and specifically American male friendships.

The underlying issue in the anglosphere is the male homosocial friendship model (basically how men tacitly assume friendships work) doesn’t allow for emotional connection or deep intimacy without the assumption that sex is either currently happening or an eventual goal. Basically, getting close to a guy, any guy, even a married one, is seen as a dangerous slippery slope to a night of lurid sex.

This has implications. For example, recent research suggests women have gay friends not only because it makes them feel safe (the homosocial sexual model doesn’t apply) but also because heteronormative american male culture is uniquely terrible at forming friendships.

Because same-sex intimacy is a forbidden thing to do unless you’re gay, and even then, only permitted if you plan on taking your clothes off, men never develop the interpersonal intelligence required to build meaningful friendships among each other. This makes it difficult for straight men to keep relationships with women going, even if there’s no untoward thoughts between them.

Personally I think the opioid crisis, crippling depression, suicide, mass shootings, all of these american social ailments afflicting straight, mostly divorced or unwed middle aged men would be greatly remedied by a better homosocial model that permits men to have friendships with each other without some erotic sword of damocles always hanging overhead.

There needs to be healthy social spaces where men can work through their griefs among confidants. Currently that isn’t permitted.

From: Chris Mckenzie via Facebook on December 29, 2018